He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize