Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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