I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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