The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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