On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
