I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
