Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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