I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
