We're like a lot better than the average bears
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
