you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
