I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
