Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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