My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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