Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
