census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize