Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize