SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
