i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
