So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
