did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
BRING THE BAGELS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
