do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
