Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
