what day is it and did you see me today?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
