just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
