He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
