Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How's work?
Spinning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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