she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
