That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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