I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
