It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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