If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
