Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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