i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
