her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
