Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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