I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
