birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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