so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
