dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
