i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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