i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
