it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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