The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
