Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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