Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
