Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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