I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
