And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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