I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
