No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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