She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
