I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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