nut hugger
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
