i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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