An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
