I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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