i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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