the condom got lost in my hair
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
