I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
