tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
