How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
worst night to have a conscience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
