Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
