happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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