I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
