I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
