You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
