I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
