Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
