I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
