True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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