You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
