i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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