just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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