Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
